From the beginning we always knew we wanted to have children. We weren’t always 100% sure how. When we decided it was where we were up to, we talked to friends (gay and straight) who had been through IVF clinics and asked about their experiences. We knew it wasn’t something we wanted to shop around for cheap prices, because you can’t really put a price on having a family if that’s what you are aiming for. A number of friends had used one of the big clinics in Melbourne that has a high success rate (although something we discovered was that a lot of the statistics were not relevant for us as a lesbian couple) they all had had positive experiences so we chose to go there.
We were not in a hurry and went through the process quite slowly. From our first appointment at the IVF clinic to our first insemination was about 12 months. This included waiting on the sperm donor list for about 3 or 4 months.
This was one of the biggest decisions for us, we had always discussed different friends that we could ask to be our sperm donor. In the end we decided that an anonymous sperm donor was a better idea, even if a known donor is on board, this also brings their partner, their parents and their family into the equation. We also felt that we couldn’t ask for something from our gay male friends that we couldn’t reciprocate (being a surrogate).
We found the whole process fairly smooth, we were a little bit anxious that we may come up against some challenges being a lesbian couple rather than a heterosexual couple requiring fertility assistance – we couldn’t have been more wrong. As I mentioned earlier the biggest difference was when we were being quoted success rates of different procedures and things these were for all people (couples and single women) going through assisted fertility. So that included couples with fertility issues. From all the tests that I had, our only fertility issue was that we had no sperm between the two of us! So we never quite new what to expect.
As a lesbian couple with no fertility issues we were to complete two rounds of Intrauterine Insemination before being deemed ‘infertile’ and then moving on to IVF – this is how Medicare works it. We did our first round in October 2016. This involved injecting hormones to ensure I produced a number of eggs, then having regular blood tests to get the perfect time for insemination. We had no idea what to expect, I remember being really keen to get this first round done so that we could move forward to the one that would be successful. I really didn’t want to get my hopes up to believe it could work the first time. The two week wait after inseminations were two of the slowest weeks of my life! Luckily I went on school camp for the second week. A week in Halls Gap with 80 x 12 years did a lot to help distract me (and keep me from trying an early pregnancy test). They tell you not to do a pregnancy test before your two week blood test because of the hormones you have taken can give a false positive. Next morning back from camp I went in to have my blood test, preparing myself for the negative results and thinking about our next step. Later that morning we were out inspecting houses in the neighbourhood to get reno ideas when I got a phone call. My bloods were positive, I was pregnant! I was so shocked; I double checked with the nurse and burst into tears. I had been so sure it was negative.
At 6 weeks we went into our fertility doctor and had the ultrasound where we first heard our daughter’s heartbeat. It was so surreal!